I am the German wife of an American, and yes, there are bitter differences. I had no idea when I was planning my German wedding back in Germany. My wife is German. We got married in the States. Here are a bunch of photos from German weddings to help give you some ideas and let you. From the prom Night. I had no experiences at all, and I had no clue I would not have a wedding like everybody around me had. Turned out, Immigration determined the wedding day (within 90 days of entry), and that was already outside of the wedding season. Bad start already! I should have calculated that when I filed for my Immigration, but I had not wasted one thought about that. I was busy gathering all needed papers and packing up my whole household and my cats to bring over. In the end, I entered in early January, and unfortunately that determined I had to be legally married by early April, unless I wanted to get deported. It is not true that we have no traditional engagement rings in Germany! ![]() It is the same ring that will become the wedding ring later! You will put your engagement ring on your LEFT hand, and on the wedding day during the ceremony you will put that same ring from the left hand to the right hand. So when you are wearing your rings still on your left hands now, every German will think you are engaged. It is that simple. You are obviously wearing engagement rings, because it sits on your left hand. I am legally married, but I had no wedding. I was personally offended by these American suggestions of venues where you are supposed to leave by 5pm, because the next party would come in for another 3 hours, or so. I would simply not so that. A wedding goes through the night, you are impolite if you leave before 2am, and if I can’t have that, I will not have a wedding. And we needed the money for a house to put down. No, I mean, we needed the money to buy a house and make a down payment on it. So it would have been pretty stupid to blow it on a wedding party that doesn’t even deserve that name. And I have no wedding ring, because my husband found out they are not legally required. He is actually really proud about that, and how much money he saved. But I am resenting him for that. In fact, I don’t think I am bound to him other than legally. Yes, we live together, but we only look like a couple, we are really just very good friends. We are both unhappily in love with other people. That, in the end, brings us together again. But only as friends, not as a couple. My shock about the wedding to taking place has never healed, and it made me bitter. But it gives me also great power over him. I have never sworn to be faithful! I have no wedding band! And without a Polterabend we had no luck, it is quite obvious. Neither of us can afford to separate from the other. He wouldn’t have the job he has if he wasn’t considered a normal (married) man. And I would have no income without being married to him. So we are stuck, and we are getting along pretty well. But we are not lovers, let’s make that clear. I had no wedding. I have spent over a year planning it, and I had no idea Americans don’t do weddings the right way. I have not gone that stupid path to waste money on a wedding that doesn’t last all night. It was the right decision financially, because only that way we could buy a house 2 years later. But I don’t feel I am really bound to my American husband. There is a big gap between us. *wow* Hilde, I am very sorry to hear your story. Mine is very similar to yours, but I have a happy end, thank to a German immigration forum that opened my eyes about getting married in the USA. I came with the same visa to the US as you did (fiance visa, also with cat after giving up my entire life in Germany) between Christmas and New Year in 2005 and I was fully aware, that we only had 90 days to get married. We thought about Valentine’s Day, but ended up on New Years Day in Vegas/NV simple in Jeans & T-Shirt with three of our friends. It was the best wedding, since I was married before in Germany with all the chi-chi and I hated it. My husband’s family is spread all over the US and my family wasn’t there either, but it was a wonderful day for me and my American hubby. Also most of my hubby’s ‘male’ friends are jealous about the simplicity we chose to get married:) We are still very happy together and bought a house three years ago in Southern California. Hopefully you will find your way out of this hopeless situation soon! *fingers crossed* As for this Blog: I just love it and I have a blast reading it. I’m sure my husband and you would get along great!!!;) Like. So the first time I ever got drunk, and boy howdy was it ever a rip-roaring drunk, I was in Germany.
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March 2019
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